I lay here in my bed alone, watching the sun come up through my window. It is quiet in the house, except for a fan on my bedside table. Julia is still asleep and Michelle just woke up and is now on the other computer in her bedroom. My mind races along as I start to think about all the what could have been and all the what ifs in my life. It’s hard to imagine yourself alone, without anyone to share your dreams, laughter, joy, and even sunrises with. I have had my share of ups and downs this year, more downs than I wish to count. Life seems to hit the hardest when you least expect it these days. I leave for Denver at the end of May and I am looking forward to a break from the East Coast. The girls leave on June 11th to see their dad and won’t be back until August 9. I will miss them dearly but we need a break from each other and they miss their dad. I have taken a sabbatical from school and will concentrate on myself this summer. I’m trying to move past a recent relationship of mine that I had really thought it was going to work. I’m still a little hopeful but I’m not going to sit and wait for something to change. He needs to make that happen. So in the mean time it’s going to be me, myself, and I for now. I’m not looking to get into any type of relationship for a while. Right now I feel it’s just not that worth the effort anymore. You spend so much time getting to know someone and they pursue you and then they runaway using the same old excuses, I’m scared, I’m confused, I don’t know what I want, I don’t want to hurt you ect. ect. ect…………. It’s seems when they get too close they run even though they are ones to say I Love You first, or they ask you out first, or they say they want to be with you…. but….. Ugggghhghh I’m taking a sabbatical of men as well from the way it sounds.
Anyway, this is my last weekend of school work to worry about. I have three more Sundays to teach faith formation classes and May is around the corner. I’m taking the girls to the beach today and get some much-needed sun time. Than back home and hopefully out tonight to the local races with some friends. Next weekend is going to be busy as well. I have to go to Burlington Friday and Saturday with Julia on an environmental completion with her school. I’m hoping to get some photography shooting time while they do their thing. Michelle starts her soccer tournaments the same weekend and I’m hoping to be back in time for the games.
So, maybe this week I will hit the pub one evening to rest by brain of everything. I love my beer!! I would like some company with me but like I said only hoping not waiting. Ok, I’m awake and ready to get ready for the beach.
I hope there is love out their for everyone. As for me, well… hoping.. not waiting….