Past Weekend…… and????

This past weekend was spent in Burlington NC. Julia had competition with her environmental group from school. It was fun and I only wish it would have lasted longer. I was able to do some shooting while I was out there. I found a dam with a waterfall that was very therapeutic at times. I even found an abandoned cotton mill that was built back in the 1800’s. This mill was huge and was once part of a great community.

This place was really exciting, even though I was wondering around it alone. I was going to venture inside, but I chicken out and stayed on the outside and tried to grab as much photos as I could. Julia enjoyed herself and we made our way back into Swansboro Saturday evening.

Sunday rolled around and my dad was back in the hospital and today he is being transported to St. Vincent’s in Little Rock, AR. I have become numb to everything that has been going on with my life this year. I will go days without saying a word and then it all comes out. Today is one of those days, loosing my grandfather, almost loosing my other grandfather, my sister has marital problems but working them out, my parents loosing their house, and my dad now in the hospital. I try to get out of the house but find myself coming back home and sleeping. It seems that is what I do best these days. Uggghh . I don’t feel like myself anymore and can’t seem to find the rhythm to care.

Praying that it gets better real soon. I can not take anything else going wrong.

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Loss………

This year has been the worst year I can ever remember. My family has been hit yet with another catastrophe. I received a phone call around 1am Sunday morning with the horrible news. My home that i grew up in, my parents home of 24 years burnt to the ground. It was a total loss, nothing was salvageable. apparently it was an electrical fire. This house was old to begin with and I am surprised that it lasted this long. I still can’t grasp the fact that everything is gone, inside and out. I thank the Lord everyday though that my parents are ok and even positive about it. Us kids are falling apart though.. This is the front porch of the house.

Front porch steps.

I keep looking at these pictures and just trying to catch myself from falling apart. It is so unreal that it is gone. I try to pinpoint what I can see and where the furniture was and everything else.

Back of House/Mom&Dads Room

Back of House/Metal Roof is all that is left.

I have so many memories of this house. Here are just a few.


1999

My family is ok and trying to stay strong.

Saturday Morning.

I lay here in my bed alone, watching the sun come up through my window. It is quiet in the house, except for a fan onĀ  my bedside table. Julia is still asleep and Michelle just woke up and is now on the other computer in her bedroom. My mind races along as I start to think about all the what could have been and all the what ifs in my life. It’s hard to imagine yourself alone, without anyone to share your dreams, laughter, joy, and even sunrises with. I have had my share of ups and downs this year, more downs than I wish to count. Life seems to hit the hardest when you least expect it these days. I leave for Denver at the end of May and I am looking forward to a break from the East Coast. The girls leave on June 11th to see their dad and won’t be back until August 9. I will miss them dearly but we need a break from each other and they miss their dad. I have taken a sabbatical from school and will concentrate on myself this summer. I’m trying to move past a recent relationship of mine that I had really thought it was going to work. I’m still a little hopeful but I’m not going to sit and wait for something to change. He needs to make that happen. So in the mean time it’s going to be me, myself, and I for now. I’m not looking to get into any type of relationship for a while. Right now I feel it’s just not that worth the effort anymore. You spend so much time getting to know someone and they pursue you and then they runaway using the same old excuses, I’m scared, I’m confused, I don’t know what I want, I don’t want to hurt you ect. ect. ect…………. It’s seems when they get too close they run even though they are ones to say I Love You first, or they ask you out first, or they say they want to be with you…. but….. Ugggghhghh I’m taking a sabbatical of men as well from the way it sounds.

Anyway, this is my last weekend of school work to worry about. I have three more Sundays to teach faith formation classes and May is around the corner. I’m taking the girls to the beach today and get some much-needed sun time. Than back home and hopefully out tonight to the local races with some friends. Next weekend is going to be busy as well. I have to go to Burlington Friday and Saturday with Julia on an environmental completion with her school. I’m hoping to get some photography shooting time while they do their thing. Michelle starts her soccer tournaments the same weekend and I’m hoping to be back in time for the games.

So, maybe this week I will hit the pub one evening to rest by brain of everything. I love my beer!! I would like some company with me but like I said only hoping not waiting. Ok, I’m awake and ready to get ready for the beach.

I hope there is love out their for everyone. As for me, well… hoping.. not waiting….

Spring Break Is Here!!

Spring break is here and I took quick advantage of it on Friday, by taking the girls on a spontaneous camping trip. It was just for one night but it was fun to get out and roast marsh mellows and cook hot dogs over a fire. We took our dog Jaucie and of course she loved it too. We went to the Neuse River campground off of Flanners Beach Rd. in Havelock. This is a very quite campground with a beach for swimming and great hiking and biking trails. I’m hoping to get more days like this one, to get out of the house and not have to THINK about anything but relaxation. This year has been full of chaos and confusion. By getting out of the house and away from everything that causes me to THINK, is much better for me in the long run. Here are a few pics from our night out.