Today is Palm Sunday, and I’m not feeling in the Church mood. I’m still going to go and my kids as well, hoping that my mood will change throughout the day. This year has started horribly and April is a couple days away already. I’m sitting in my quite little 2 bedroom duplex, my girls are still asleep. Julia is snoring and I can hear birds outside chirping as the sun rises and shines through my kitchen window. As I sit here and wonder how this year is going to finish itself out I can’t help but wonder what is the point. Why try so hard at something and then in the end it falls apart anyway, what is the point. My family has been hit pretty hard this year by death, illness, and relationship downfalls. My dad is back in the hospital for a dislocated hip after falling down the patio stairs after a freak snowstorm. @1@!@ If there was one thing that I thought could help me ease the sadness and pain of everything this year, it would be to have someone in your life that is there for you. Well that just causes more pain and anguish. Even if they say they are there for you and thinking about your feelings, they’re not. It’s nothing more than excuses to cover up their feelings of being scared, of putting themselves out there and letting go. Nothing but excuses to make them feel better about themselves. I truly believe now that if you are alone you don’t have to worry about missing anyone, and you can think about only you.
Anyway, my mind is full of what if’s, maybe, cants, won’t, why’s, and the urgency to just quit and move on. The sun is coming up and spring weather has set in. Girls have spring break here soon, as for me, I’m doing the best that I can to stay ahead of the semester. I really want to get out and go camping and let my mind just breath for a while.
Although this year has been nothing but chaos, my girls are doing very well in school. Both have excellent grades and are involved in many after school activities. Michelle is playing soccer and loving it. Julia is in orchestra and loving it as well. They leave for their dads for the summer but before they leave in June we will be going to Denver at the end of May. Not really a vacation but more as a memorial for my grandfather who passed away at the beginning of the year. Who knows who will still be married, together, or what not by then. Yes… that’s how this year has gone, it feels like a soap opera and my head is about to explode. I haven’t had the chance to go out and shoot because of all that has been going on. And even then, I’m just not in the mood to do anything. It’s sad I know, but like I said before……………..What Is The Point!