Well another year, another number. I had a great birthday this year, even though my kids are with their dad. I visited with friends and had a couple of beers with my brother. All in all I had a blast. I watched an amazing sunset with a very special friend, someone whom I thank God everyday to have in my life.
The only bad thing about my birthday was that my phone got wet and is now inoperable. I had to order a new one, and hopefully I will get it next week sometime. I have been using skype to let everyone know that I’m still alive .
So I am now without communication as well as Internet and no cable TV. I’m able to deal with no cable and I can go to the coffee shop for a quick Internet fix but, I feel extremely naked with out my phone.
Went to the pub last night to say goodbye to a good friend who is leaving for Iraq today. My prayers will be with him and his family. I have made some pretty good friends here in this little town of mine. I’m so very thankful for everyone and everything that I have. And even though I may feel alone at times and wish I could share certain moments with someone, I can honestly say that I’m not alone, and that what ever happens, happens for a reason. There is no use in asking why all the time, I’m learning to just let it all go and follow what ever path that is put in front of me.
I have been getting up early and running on the beach, it has been pretty rewarding and I have time to sit and reflect on what I have accomplished up to this point in my life. I have so much to look forward to. It is Friday and I have some errands to run and cleaning to do around the house…
I want to thank everyone that came out and celebrated my birthday and I hope that we can do it again. Friends are a definite must in this life.
I have returned from Bear Island yesterday and I am in a state of relinquishing control to any and everything that is utterly out of my hands. I arrived on the island on Tuesday around 4:00 and hiked the rest of the way in. By the time I got to my camp site and all set up it was around 4:45.. It was late in the day and I decided to munch on some cheese and drink a bottle of water while sitting on top of the dunes over looking the ocean. The island was empty except for the few campers that were scattered over the island. It was nice to get away, although alone once again. It was a beautiful day, the weather was nice, very breezy. The bugs were even hiding, at least until morning when I had to pack out. Bear Island is always a nice place to go to think, and not have to worry about the fast pace of life’s problems, it’s the coming back that is hard to do. The nights out here are quite and the mornings are breathtaking. I was able to go for a swim while the sun was setting and no one was even out on the beach on either side of me. You could possibly pull off a quick little skinny dip if you were brave enough 🙂 (not me).
I trekked my way to the bathrooms before calling it a night and when I returned to camp, I found some kind of animal trying to get into my tent. I’m assuming it was a fox, I hope. Needless to say I was slightly restless the whole night. I moved at every little sound. The crabs weren’t helping either I could here them running around the tent clasping their claws at whatever they could find. Even though the night was eventful it was astonishingly relaxing. It was about three years ago next month that I set foot on Bear Island alone, trying to find my way through my life. This is where my big decisions are made and I found myself trying again to find my way. I have my good days and bad days, just like everyone else I suspect. It was good to get away from it all though. I hope to make one more trip, camping or something for a weekend before everything starts getting insane. My birthday is next week and well, another year goes by.
Bear Island Sunrise
Candle Light Dinner
Table Inside Tent
Girls will be back on the 11th of August and in all actuality I’m looking forward to it. I miss them dearly and I can’t even attempt to imagine myself without them much longer. School will be kicking in and this will keep me busy, I definitely need something to keep my mind moving. This will be a tough semester for me, juggling two colleges at once. All for one main goal, which is among many goals that I have accomplished but unable to do anything with at this point in time.
I have been talking to a few people (teachers), and they are telling me that teachers are getting laid off and it’s becoming harder and harder to find a teaching job these days. So with that said I wonder if I should rethink my options, things might change in two years. ??? Now I don’t know.. I have invested all my time and energy into this new life changing project. I have joined a fantastic church, the girls are starting school soon, and I will be starting ECU in a couple of weeks. What to do and where to go from here, is my question???????
I finally was able to get out of the house to get some camping time in. Even though it was only for a day, I really enjoyed being on my own and reading under the trees. I took my dog with me and she enjoyed it as well. We hiked, and went waling on the beach and just had a great time. She was very well behaved, no barking at all. She has never been camping before so she was up and down all night because of all the sounds and rumbling in the woods. The hiking trail was unexpected and I was not well prepared for it at all. I was in flip flops and Jaucie was chasing everything she seen moving in the woods. It was a great hike, up and down hills and we walked along ravines which I almost fell in because of my dog. She loves turtles and can spot them within a hundred yards.
I will be going out again on Monday but I’m not sure where, either Greensboro to the Cliffs of the Neuse or I will drive up to Hatteras and hang out there, maybe even hit the ferry ride back through Ocracoke and stay there as well. Either way I’m going somewhere, it’s nice to get out of the house. I have to take advantage of the time I have because when the girls get home and school starts I will be so busy and probably tied to the house. My life is still full of questions but I’m learning to let go and have fun and to accept things as they are. Here are some more pictures of my camping excursion. I will post new photos in the weeks ahead of my next traveling trip.
Morning Walk on Beach
My Favorite Spot
This was our morning walk out to the beach, it was a beautiful morning and the water was low and calm. The water revealed many trees, rocks, and many other things that you wouldn’t see during the day. Jaucie enjoyed walking on the beach, although she was a little timid around the water.
Tree on The Beach
Monday the 13th day of July. I have been in a mood for a about a week now and can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that everything has changed in my life. I find myself drifting toward the idea of moving to Colorado more and more each day. Although I have a great opportunity here to go to ECU, and get my teaching degree, it’s going to take awhile to achieve. I finally received news about the Pell Grant and others so I’m all set for the fall. My summer class has just ended and I finished with a B.. I’m happy with that, knowing that it was a Dev Psych class all on-line in 8 weeks, I think I did pretty well. This fall will be very demanding on me, three classes with ECU and two with Carteret, all on-line.
House of Blues Inner Wall
Now I need to concentrate on getting back on track with my emotions. They tend to run me into the ground sometimes. I took off to Myrtle Beach on Saturday for the day and I am going to drive up the coast here in the next couple of days or maybe next week not sure. It’s raining terribly now so I’m not sure how the weather is for the remainder of the week.
House of Blues
It’s funny sometimes, you look at your life and think that you have everything you need, and than you realize you have nothing at all or it would seem that way. I sit here in my home wondering if this is what I truly want out of life. I have come to a point in my life that I’m just not satisfied anymore. I’m not satisfied with way I feel, the way I give in and than knowing what will happen next but trying to ignore it anyway. I can say that I am a strong person but you can only take so much and than you have to walk away. I have gone from a crazy marriage to a bitter divorce and into what I thought was a great relationship, which in fact wasn’t a relationship at all. I need to look at people much better, not get involved anymore, take care of myself and my kids and not rely on anybody else. Anyway enough with the rambling.
Here are some more pics of Myrtle Beach enjoy 🙂
House Blues of Courtyard
House Blues of Entrance
Senor Frog Grand Strand MB
Jimmy Buffet, Margaritaville
I realize that I am a little bit of a hypocrite when it comes to age. I may say that age doesn’t matter in a lot of things, but as for your health you have to be very careful. I have let myself go and I’m done sitting on my butt. I have made a decision to loose 10 lbs and start feeling good about myself again. I have come to a realization that even though things may happen that might slow you down in life, you should never give up on yourself. In some peoples eyes I may look fine but I’m definitely not happy with myself and that in itself is damaging. My birthday is this month and even though I am young I feel old. Old in a sense of knowing that my oldest is going into the 6th grade and my youngest is about 2 inches away from being taller than me.
Is this a midlife crisis I think not, just a realty check. I have to be happy with myself before someone can be happy with me even with all the baggage that I have to bring. Although I have many good friends and a fabulous family I’m still at times get lost in thought of the past and afraid of what the future might bring, if anything at all. I here so many people complain about the economy and the politics of the world that I fall into their clutches and find myself struggling to get back up. I wonder why they tend to dwell so much on the negative when they should take advantage of what they have right in front of them because sooner or later it will be gone. And then what do they have left to do but to play the what if game and that doesn’t work. It’s been over two weeks now with out my girls and it’s not so bad. I do miss them, but being on my own has made me realize I have to do better for myself in order to do better for my girls.
I look forward to the new and improved me. Hopefully by the time Julia and Michelle gets back in August I will have a new outlook on life and can honestly say that I am happy with the way things are working out. As a good friend of mine would say GOD is in control, he is exactly right. Until next time keep Smiling 🙂
“Breakdowns can create breakthroughs. Things fall apart so things can fall together.”
My girls are now with there dad safely in Indiana. They had such a great time with their grandparents. My mom called me last night and told me that they had made the switch and they spent sometime talking. They spent about 13 days with them and she is missing them already. It’s been about a week now without them. It’s been quite and well, boring actually. But I’m making the best of it and I plan on going to Myrtle Beach next week for the day. Walk around and do some shooting than hit one of the clubs or even the Hard Rock for some good food and a nice cold beer. It’s nice to be able to come and go whenever you want to and not have to worry about anything.
Fourth of July is this weekend and once again I am without the girls. Again, it’s OK because I have plans and I’m going to have a great time.Swansboro always has a great display and lots of food, fun, and of course beer. (Church Street Pub is Calling Me) 🙂
This is the best place I think for a little town like this. You have complete strangers coming in and than you have your locals (me) who walk in and you automatically have your beer waiting for you. It is really nice. I hope everyone has a great 4th, be safe, have fun, and enjoy the weekend.