It is Sunday morning, the sun is out and I can smell the coffee coming from the kitchen. This weekend as been slow. I finally tackled the girls room and boxed up all the small and unwanted clothes. We rearranged the room, well (I) rearranged the room. Took down their bunks and now they have separate areas in their room. I went in on Friday to try to get a new car and well…….. I did it, all on my own. I was so happy on Friday, and I’m still happy I guess, we seem to be doing ok. I’m contemplating going overseas for a year to work, but it would have to take some major motivation, risk, and heart. The new year is around the corner and I need to get moving on my future, whether it be day by day, week by week or planning the whole year. I know I will be applying for college if I don’t go overseas, but still I can do on-line courses from over there as well. The girls will be leaving in a month to go see their dad for about a week (over Christmas), so I have to get ready for that. I have been pretty stressed lately, and feel like as if everything that I thought was going right isn’t going as well as I had thought. My job is almost over, and my personal life is on hold for awhile, I know what I want but to push someone into a decision that he or she isn’t ready to make is defiantly not my style. I never want to be a regret to anyone and be the reason for holding them back. But I’ve learned that if you don’t tell someone exactly how you feel than it will tear you up inside. I’m very thankful for all the help that has been given to me but I can say that I don’t need anybody to take care of me, I can take care of myself. My girls don’t need another dad, they have one that loves them dearly, and I defiantly don’t want any sympathy for what I’m going through. I’m a big girl and I have been handling it for a very long time. It seems to me that there is a lot of people out their that have no idea what they want. Yes, there are times when I have no idea what I want, but when I set my mind to something and I see a glimpse of hope I go for it. I have been going for it for over a a year now. It’s very hard to let go of something that you so strongly want in your life.. : ) Why? My heart is bigger than my brain I guess. Here is one of my favorite quotes, although if you both walk away do you wait forever for either to return.
“If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were”.
Anyway, enough rambling on about my not so perfect life. Going to church today, hoping for some inspiration and some soul searching. Than it’s back home to finish up cleaning my house.
Thanksgiving is this week, planning on taking the girls to a couple of Museums on Wednesday. Going to hit the Exploris or Marble Kids Museum. Than the Museum of Natural Sciences, which is a must. We will probaly hit this one first than the other last. They will probably spend the whole afternoon in the kids museum.
The Natural Science Museum has the Dead Sea Scrolls on exhibit, not sure how much interest the girls would be, but I personally would love to see them. The Art museum is out of the question, I will have to hit that one on my own one of these days. It’s about that time, have to jump in the shower, and get ready for church. My day has just begun and I hope to hear from Patrick soon, he went to NY with his kids for Thanksgiving this year. I hope they are ok and having a good time. Until Next Time.
Always Remember to Smile : )