Saturday Nov 29th, 2008

It’s Saturday morning and another week has gone by. I have been able to trade my Durango, sell my brothers car, signed my separation paper work and now I have a possible buyer for my bike. Also I have a job offer in California, only a 30 day contract so I have to call them on Monday to see what all the details are. I also had a photo shoot this past week and made a good amount of money to cover Christmas for the girls. Now I can do it on my own and I don’t have to rely on anybody. All in all I say I had a pretty productive week being that it was also Thanksgiving. On Wednesday I took the girls up to the Natural Science and Marbles Kids Museums.

100_2213 I enjoyed the Natural Science museum, although there wasn’t nothing new but fun all the same. They had a butterfly room with tons of butterflies and a sloth, which was hiding so we couldn’t see it. The museum also had the Dead Sea Scrolls on exhibit, I would have liked to  have seen them but the girls weren’t that interested and it was to expensive to just walk through in five minutes. So we walked around and looked at some weird and nasty bugs and big huge dinosaurs. We spent about two hours there and headed over to the Marble Museum and hung out there for almost five hours.

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It was nice to hang out with the kids away from the normality that we all fall into in our lives. Life is stressful enough, to try to get away from it all is almost impossible. It being Thanksgiving weekend I was very thankful for my kids and my family. All my family and friends were spread out this year, West coast, East coast, North, South, ect……… so it was hard to be just us and even then it still didn’t feel right.

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The Marbles Museum was the kids favorite, everything was hands on and interactive. They had so much fun, I had fun just watching them having fun.

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They love chess, Cody a friend of mine taught them how to play and they have loved it ever since. They tried to play a game but other kids were interested in the size of the game pieces that they wanted to play to. There were so many things for them to do I just let them loose and followed behind.

100_2306 100_2250Julia dressed up as a doctor, fireman, chef, actress, ect. Michelle did the same and was all over the place but she was very aware of where I was at all times which made me feel good.

We spent the better part of the day at the museum, got lost in Raleigh (only I can do that). Made it out and back home by 6 o’clock. I was so tired that I crashed as soon as I hit the couch.

They had fun which is all that matters to me, they are my life and that will never change. We are a packaged deal.

Chef Julia

Chef Julia

Michelle in Telephone Booth

Michelle in Telephone Booth

Jewls

Jewls

Magic School Bus

Magic School Bus

Michelle

Michelle

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We went over to my brothers girlfriends house to shoot some pictures and have some food. It was good to see my brother, even though we live only 30 minutes away from each other, work, kids and other life’s endeavours keeps us pretty busy. We went to the Christmas Flotilla last night in town, Reanna and her family met us out there. We had some dinner and watched the boats roll in all decorated with lights. Tomorrow we will go to church and try to finish off the weekend on a good note before the beginning of December. The girls dad is trying to get them out to Indiana two days earlier than what was planned but that is ok with me even though I will be alone for Christmas this year. They need to spend as much time as they can with their dad and I need to spend some me time to figure out how to function being alone for the holidays.

ME

ME

I cant’ believe that this year is almost over, I have no idea where it has gone. I’m looking forward to some kind of change in my life. I’m hoping for the good and obviously not the bad. Patrick comes back from NY this weekend, after spending some quality time with his family. Can’t wait to catch up with him to see how he is doing. Well got to get moving, it is a dreary day today so have to do something. Probably clean as usual.

Until next time. Take Care and Always Remember to Smile 🙂

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Sunday Morning Thoughts…..

l_ca9ccdb9c879464fbe41843129002e51It is Sunday morning, the sun is out and I can smell the coffee coming from the kitchen. This weekend as been slow. I finally tackled the girls room and boxed up all the small and unwanted clothes. We rearranged the room, well (I) rearranged the room. Took down their bunks and now they have separate areas in their room. I went in on Friday to try to get a new car and well…….. I did it, all on my own. I was so happy on Friday, and I’m still happy I guess, we seem to be doing ok. I’m contemplating going overseas for a year to work, but it would have to take some major motivation, risk, and heart. The new year is around the corner and I need to get moving on my future, whether it be day by day, week by week or planning the whole year. I know I will be applying for college if I don’t go overseas, but still I can do on-line courses from over there as well. The girls will be leaving in a month to go see their dad for about a week (over Christmas), so I have to get ready for that. I have been pretty stressed lately, and feel like as if everything that I thought was going right isn’t going as well as I had thought. My job is almost over, and my personal life is on hold for awhile, I know what I want but to push someone into a decision that he or she isn’t ready to make is defiantly not my style. I never want to be a regret to anyone and be the reason for holding them back. But I’ve learned that if you don’t tell someone exactly how you feel than it will tear you up inside. I’m very thankful for all the help that has been given to me but I can say that I don’t need anybody to take care of me, I can take care of myself. My girls don’t need another dad, they have one that loves them dearly, and I defiantly don’t want any sympathy for what I’m going through. I’m a big girl and I have been handling it for a very long time. It seems to me that there is a lot of people out their that have no idea what they want. Yes, there are times when I have no idea what I want, but when I set my mind to something and I see a glimpse of hope I go for it. I have been going for it for over a a year now. It’s very hard to let go of something that you so strongly want in your life.. : ) Why? My heart is bigger than my brain I guess. Here is one of my favorite quotes, although if you both walk away do you wait forever for either to return.

“If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were”.

Anon

Anyway, enough rambling on about my not so perfect life. Going to church today, hoping for some inspiration and some soul searching. Than it’s back home to finish up cleaning my house.

computermanThanksgiving is this week, planning on taking the girls to a couple of Museums on Wednesday. Going to hit the Exploris or Marble Kids Museum. Than the Museum of Natural Sciences, which is a must. We will probaly hit this one first than the other last. They will probably spend the whole afternoon in the kids museum.

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2985253011_0a94801eddThe Natural Science Museum has the Dead Sea Scrolls on exhibit, not sure how much interest the girls would be, but I personally would love to see them. The Art museum is out of the question, I will have to hit that one on my own one of these days. It’s about that time, have to jump in the shower, and get ready for church. My day has just begun and I hope to hear from Patrick soon, he went to NY with his kids for Thanksgiving this year. I hope they are ok and having a good time. Until Next Time.

Always Remember to Smile : )

Weekend’s end……

2345588789_a39468a3b9It’s Monday morning and I’m getting ready to head to work. The weekend has come to an end once again leaving me with some great memories and hopefully more to make. Friday night was spent with the girls at a family movie night at school. They enjoyed it, and I pretty much relaxed. High School Musical 2 was the movie of choice and it was pretty cool in that all the little girls would sing along with the movie. It was nice to hang out with them and not fight and argue. Kids will be kids though. Saturday was good, I took care of some errands and then dropped the girls off at one of their girlfriends house and they spent the night, which gave me some much needed down time. I finally made it back to the Yacht Club, which felt like forever. Patrick came out and we had a great time, just trying to relax and not worry about work and other life’s mysteries. We hit the Irish Pub and talked with everyone there and enjoyed some good beer. Night ended with some pizza and wine at the Italian Bistro, which by the way the ambiance was terrible, but my company was great.

saint_mildred_glassSunday wrapped up the weekend, with going to Church. I must say that I do enjoy going to church every Sunday when I can, it seems to strengthen my soul while making me think more about where I want my life to go. I feel more alive, I can honestly say that it gives me hope that things will work out for the best in the end. Everything is pretty much out of my control, I can plan and work hard but there will always be bumps in the road. I’m very thankful and grateful for Patrick, getting me to go to church, I haven’t really been to church since I was a little kid. I defiantly wouldn’t have done it on my own, I guess I just needed a little push… 🙂

I picked Julia and Michelle up after church and headed to Mac Daddys’s for some food, fun and football. They had fun playing games and me, I just sat back and munched on nachos and watched the Broncos play ball. They actually one this one, (barely). We hit the road and came home and they got invited to the movies around 4 and I watched a couple of movies myself to pass the time. I think all in all we all had a great weekend. We spent some great quality time with the people we care about most and hope to be able to do it again soon…..

Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.

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It is Veterans Day..

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Happy Veterans Day to all who have served, are serving and will serve. I can’t believe that it has been 9 years since I’ve been out of the Marine Corps. I was going through some old pictures and came upon some really funny ones from my first year in the Corps.m_1fb6347de7f640ce993b10f1c599045c

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I wish the best for all of my fellow Veterans a great and safe day. Thank You for your Bravery!!!!

SPE Regional 2008..

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This years SPE conference took place at Randolph Community College in Asheboro NC. I had left Friday morning and I just got home around 8pm Sunday. It went very well, even though we had to drive everywhere, and getting lost every time 🙂 We had free food, wine, and beer of which I had way too much of Saturday night and as of today I am taking a sabatical from all the wine and beer. It was a great conference met some fantastic photographers and mingled with the best of them. Also got catch up with some friends that I have met at the past two conferences. galleryThese things are awesome, it makes me want more out of life and pushes me to try to achieve what I’m so desperately wanting to do. It also has given me some choices of where I want my life to go. Past couple of weeks have been rough to say the least, December is rolling around the corner and I have to find a real full time job in January while sending out college apps, to see who wants me. Patrick’s daughter Andei went with us and was so excited about new ideas, cameras, and meeting some great photographers as well.sam-and-aspiring-arti-spe-08

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Outside Hotel

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I’m constantly being bombarded with school, jobs, kids, life, love or not to love… ect. It all give me a headache and I was hoping to put all that behind me for just one weekend.. Not possible, still worried about kids, thought about to love or not to love and had Diezel come back home. I was able to relax though a little on Saturday night, had some wine and great food, and talked about art, colleges, and of course, life and the future. I will post pictures soon, as of right now I am exhausted and going to bed, hopefully to dream and find answers to some of the questions that I need to ask sooner or later.

Election Day..

I’m sitting here in a local coffee shop in Cedar Point, working on some video and watching the polls. I voted this morning and got it out of the way. Now I’m sitting back drinking some coffe and waiting. My part is done and over with, now it’s up to everyone else. If you have a voice and want to be heard go and vote. We will see by the end of the night what the American people have to say. Either or I’m ready, ready for a new year and a new start. Everyone is in for a rough road no matter what happens, new is always hard to adjust too, but in time it will all work out and we all will survive.

Election and Holiday Thoughts

68357465_73e275655fWell with everyone going nuts about the elections and skipping Thanksgiving and going straight into Christmas, I can honestly say that I’m ready for the New Year. I’m ready for a new start and hoping the holidays come and go faster than what they are. Reason being, I was in Walmart today and all I could hear was Christmas music.. ughhhhh.. Not saying that I don’t like Christmas but, all I can think about is being alone and not having my kids with me. It’s really not what I’m looking forward to. But I’m looking for gifts and getting some money saved up for extra stuff for them. The elections are wearing on every ones minds and even though I should care, I don’t. I have so many things to worry about than who is lying about whom and who did this and that to whomever. It’s all a game about who can lie the best and who can get everyone to believe them. Then once in office they back out of everything they promise.. Always happens.. so I try to take care of my kids and myself and love the ones who care the most about us. Yes I’m voting tomorrow morning to get it over with, for whom……. Who knows yet I will figure it out at the polls.voting_booth_polls_election_nim

SO I’m not going to be the one to ask .Who did you vote for.. That’s like asking sooo do you love me yes or no.. Obama or McCain…

Nope not me.. I will not ask or tell…

GOOD LUCK.. And GOD Speed…

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