Thoughts…..

 

Backyard Sunrise

Backyard Sunrise

It’s early Saturday morning, wet, windy and cold outside, and I’m in bed waiting for my coffee. Michelle is up and already playing the playstation games, Julia is still in bed. Dogs are in the kitchen staying dry from the wind and rain outside which has prevented us from going to Wilmington for the JDRF Walk. I chose not to go because the girls don’t need to be walking in the rain and cold, we can always do another walk when it comes around again. I have been pretty busy with the kids and work these past couple of weeks. It seems to me that my life is still a work in progress, when you think everything is on the right path something comes and makes you rethink the road you are on. I’m not saying that Im not happy, I am but happiness isn’t forever and as much as you want something to stay in your life it sometimes tends to slowly push it’s way out. On the other hand I have learned that if you want something bad enough you wait for as long as it takes. I have two kids that I love dearly but sometimes wonder if I’m doing the right thing for them. I have friends that I try to stay in touch with as much as possible. Going on seven months of being on my own, which is a good feeling (sometimes). My lease runs out in April, and my divorce will be final, so that is the month that I will decide if I stay or go. If I stay, I’m going to start school again and get on my way to my bachelors and masters, if I go same-thing only in a new place to start over. Not sure right now what is best for me and the girls. I know they miss their dad and that is understandable, but I need to move on and get myself back on track, I feel as though I am in limbo just waiting for April to come around. I’m trying so hard to keep everything in perspective, which by the way I hate that word. The economy is terrible these days but at least for now the gas prices are decreasing. My family is doing well, they are making their own jewelry-and going to festivals almost every weekend, this is keeping them busy. My youngest brother is still in Washington taking care of his new baby girl and my other brother is working hard as normal. He has a girlfriend and they are doing good as well. Who said life was a bed of roses?…  🙂

I like to think that I’m doing ok with what I have to work with. Of course I’m still trying to find another job to compensate for the extra things I need. As long as I can keep my head above water and not let myself sink I’m going to be ok. I have friends, family, and all the support I need, which sometimes I tend to run from.. go figure…. I find myself waiting for the sunrise every-morning to see what the day might bring. Wondering if I will be able to spend some time with the ones I love or if I will have to wait, I wonder if I will be able to hang on just a little longer and not give up and just run away.

   Halloween is next week and I’m not sure where the girls are going trick-or-treating yet. I have a wedding rehearsal that night and than we can go either into Morehead or back into Swansboro..Who knows, guess have to wait and see how the weather is and how other things turn out. I took the girls to their fall festival last night and they had a good time. It was different though I’m used to taking them around to different areas, this time they walked around with their friends and I just tagged along.. (Weird Feeling).. I guess they have to grow up sometime.. (they are still babies though). I have a long way to go with them and even though their dad is always there for them I know that I’m going to be the one that brings the stability. I’m not saying he is a bad dad, he is a great dad and well it is what it is.Enough rambling I have to get breakfast started, they are STARVING!!!.. I just hope in time they can appreciate all that I’m trying do do for them and myself. It’s not easy to be alone. I also hope that whomever is in my life knows that the kids will always be apart me. They have a dad who loves them and will be there for them, so I hope that they don’t scare people away. 🙂

I’m a pretty happy go lucky person, down to earth and don’t need a lot of pampering (although it is nice at times)…OK I said I had to go.. I’m going now.. This is addicting…

Until Next Time… Always Remember to SMILE 🙂 

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