When we learn to manage our emotions long enough to stop and shift our attention to the quieter message of the heart, we can gain a wider perspective on any situation, often saving ourselves from hurt, frustration and pain.
The past couple of days have been weighing on my mind, heart, and soul, not to mention my body. Stess is a silent killer and I won’t let it consume me. I have been thinking a alot about moving and starting over in a new enivironmet. But, I can’t help to think that I’m just trying to run away from the stress of everyday life. I go through these spells and it’s hard to see the positive when the negative is pressing down with all its force. Emotionally I am a wreck and I’m pretty good at hiding it when I need to. I love my family and I would do anything for them, but with that said I can’t do it all. You can only do so much before you just have to say no and walk away. I’m struggling with the fact that Julia and Michelle’s dad is gone and that they are missing him dearly. I’m hurting in ways that it is so hard to explain. I care more about what other people are feeling and how they are taking it, and to see them hurt makes me hurt. I can deal with him being gone, I need a new beginning, but when I know how bad it hurts the girls and of course him it kills me to think that I’m taking them away from him. I considered letting them stay with him, but he is still in the service and can be deployed at anytime, than what?
I love my girls with all of my heart and I know once I get them on a schedule and they start school everything will seem to fall in place, their attitude has changed in the last month that they have spent with their dad, so they have to get used to me and my rules now, and I have to get used to them not listening which is normal. It’s going to take time and love to make it work.
Personal life is a struggle as well. I have a few people that are very special to me right now and I don’t want to loose that connection at this time of my life. Iv’e grown very attatched and can’t seem to let go and I don’t want to. I hope that they can see how much they mean to me and how I’m very thankfull to have them in my life. Life is complicated and sometimes it’s hard to see past all the what if’s and if only’s. All I can do is live each day as best as I can, enjoy the relationships that I have and treasure each and every moment that I’m with the ones that I LOVE.
LOVE is all that matters right?