New Adventure!!!

Monday the 13th day of July. I have been in a mood for a about a week now and can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that everything has changed in my life. I find myself drifting toward the idea of moving to Colorado more and more each day. Although I have a great opportunity here to go to ECU, and get my teaching degree, it’s going to take awhile to achieve. I finally received news about the Pell Grant and others so I’m all set for the fall. My summer class has just ended and I finished with a B.. I’m happy with that, knowing that it was a Dev Psych class all on-line in 8 weeks, I think I did pretty well. This fall will be very demanding on me, three classes with ECU and two with Carteret, all on-line.

House of Blues Inner Wall

Now I need to concentrate on getting back on track with my emotions. They tend to run me into the ground sometimes. I took off to Myrtle Beach on Saturday for the day and I am going to drive up the coast here in the next couple of days or maybe next week not sure. It’s raining terribly now so I’m not sure how the weather is for the remainder of the week.

House of Blues

It’s funny sometimes, you look at your life and think that you have everything you need, and than you realize you have nothing at all or it would seem that way. I sit here in my home wondering if this is what I truly want out of life. I have come to a point in my life that I’m just not satisfied anymore. I’m not satisfied with way I feel, the way I give in and than knowing what will happen next but trying to ignore it anyway. I can say that I am a strong person but you can only take so much and than you have to walk away. I have gone from a crazy marriage to a bitter divorce and into what I thought was a great relationship, which in fact wasn’t a relationship at all. I need to look at people much better, not get involved anymore, take care of myself and my kids and not rely on anybody else. Anyway enough with the rambling.

Here are some more pics of Myrtle Beach enjoy

House Blues of Courtyard

House Blues of Entrance

Senor Frog Grand Strand MB

Liberty

Jimmy Buffet, Margaritaville

Fat Tuesday's

Blarney Stone

Getting Older……..

I realize that I am a little bit of a hypocrite when it comes to age. I may say that age doesn’t matter in a lot of things, but as for your health you have to be very careful. I have let myself go and I’m done sitting on my butt. I have made a decision to loose 10 lbs and start feeling good about myself again. I have come to a realization that even though things may happen that might slow you down in life, you should never give up on yourself. In some peoples eyes I may look fine but I’m definitely not happy with myself and that in itself is damaging. My birthday is this month and even though I am young I feel old. Old in a sense of knowing that my oldest is going into the 6th grade and my youngest is about 2 inches away from being taller than me.

Is this a midlife crisis I think not, just a realty check. I have to be happy with myself before someone can be happy with me even with all the baggage that I have to bring. Although I have many good friends and a fabulous family I’m still at times get lost in thought of the past and afraid of what the future might bring, if anything at all. I here so many people complain about the economy and the politics of the world that I fall into their clutches and find myself struggling to get back up. I wonder why they tend to dwell so much on the negative when they should take advantage of what they have right in front of them because sooner or later it will be gone. And then what do they have left to do but to play the what if game and that doesn’t work. It’s been over two weeks now with out my girls and it’s not so bad. I do miss them, but being on my own has made me realize I have to do better for myself in order to do better for my girls.

I look forward to the new and improved me. Hopefully by the time Julia and Michelle gets back in August I will have a new outlook on life and can honestly say that I am happy with the way things are working out. As a good friend of mine would say GOD is in control, he is exactly right. Until next time keep Smiling

“Breakdowns can create breakthroughs. Things fall apart so things can fall together.”

July 4th…..

My girls are now with there dad safely in Indiana. They had such a great time with their grandparents. My mom called me last night and told me that they had made the switch and they spent sometime talking. They spent about 13 days with them and she is missing them already. It’s been about a week now without them. It’s been quite and well, boring actually. But I’m making the best of it and I plan on going to Myrtle Beach next week for the day. Walk around and do some shooting than hit one of the clubs or even the Hard Rock for some good food and a nice cold beer. It’s nice to be able to come and go whenever you want to and not have to worry about anything.

Fourth of July is this weekend and once again I am without the girls. Again, it’s OK because I have plans and I’m going to have a great time.Swansboro always has a great display and lots of food, fun, and of course beer. (Church Street Pub is Calling Me)
This is the best place I think for a little town like this. You have complete strangers coming in and than you have your locals (me) who walk in and you automatically have your beer waiting for you. It is really nice. I hope everyone has a great 4th, be safe, have fun, and enjoy the weekend.

Home and Feeling Relaxed!!!!!

It’s Sunday the 28th of June and I have been back from Arkansas for about three days now. Julia and Michelle are still with their grandparents. My trip was a good one, long but enjoyable. It was nice to see everyone and even though I wasn’t able to stay very long the time that I did have was great. I had forgotten how hot Arkansas was until I crossed the TN/AR state line and was bombarded by the unbearable heat. Even though the weather was crazy,

I was still able to get some good shots while I was home, venturing out only in the mornings and evenings to shoot. I grew up in this house that my parents still live in. It has it’s problems but they seem to manage just fine. I can remember during the winters, my bedroom had no ceiling in it at the time, so no insulation either. I would sit a cup of water on my night stand before going to bed and waking up the next morning to find it frozen solid. In the summers we worried about scorpions and snakes and even other types of creatures getting into the house. I had plastic that was stapled to the rafters of the ceiling and I could lay in bed at night and here the bugs and lizards crawling right above me. I sounds horrible but I was used to it we all were. We managed fairly well and of course us kids complained just like everyone else.

Back of the House

Flowers In Front Of House

The town that I grew up in has changed, they have a new high school, Subway, grocery store and they are now putting in a couple of stop lights in the middle of town. The saw mill is still up and running, without it Mansfield would turn into a ghost town for sure. I took a day before coming back to NC to take some photos of Fort Smith, Judge Parkers courthouse and the gallows.

The Gallows

Judge Parkers Court House

Here are a few more interesting photos that I like

Family in front yard

Flower with Fisheye

Sitting at Diane's House

Mom and Dads

Immaculate Conception of Fort Smith

IC of Fort Smith

It was nice to get back on the road and head home though. It was a little wierd because it was so quite. I had no one to talk to and no one asking are we there yet or I have to go to the bathroom. I made it into Nashville and stopped for awhile to take some more photos. Here are some of those.

Parthenon, Nashville TN

Walking the Dog

As you can see in the distance there is someone walking their dog. This just gives you an idea of how big this thing is. It’s nice to be back home. I’m relaxing today and enjoying some quite time. I went to church this morning and I feel refreshed. Had a great weekend and I have changed my way of thinking for the time being. I have decided to just have fun, live each day like it was my last.

Life is very fragile and if you don’t have fun, take chances, and enjoy it it will be gone before you know it.

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

Abraham Lincoln

Home Again….

I arrived in Arkansas on Thursday afternoon, tired and ready for a beer and a nice bed. The old town looks the same except now they are putting in some traffic lights, which seems weird to see in this small town of over 1,000. Mom and Dad are doing well and were excited to see us kids all here at the same time. It’s been a busy couple of days and I am very exhausted. I love my family and it  means a lot to me that we can all get together after being apart for some time. The girls are doing well and enjoying all of the attention that they are getting. My grandparents are doing great as well and are happy to be here. Here are some pictures of my home that I grew up in and of the family. Will post more soon.

It’s Final

It’s Saturday and I’m now officially divorced. Not to say that divorce is a good thing, but it is a new beginning. I have been contemplating my life and where it is headed. I will have a whole month without the girls, and I can honestly say that I’m looking forward to some peace and quite. I hope to do some camping and just hang out with friends and looking for a job as well. I am sitting outside the library since it closed at 3 (sucks) squeezing out as much Internet service as I can. I got all caught up with my online class and bills, and now updating my blog for the last time until I get into Arkansas. We leave either on Tuesday or Wednesday I haven’t made up my mind yet. I have nothing to do here so I think we will leave on Tuesday, I am getting excited to get on the road. Anyway it’s hot out here and I’m headed to hang out with some friends this evening. Look for my next post from the great state of Arkansas…….. :0

Long Week Ahead……

It is the beginning of a long week. I’m starting off my day at the coffee shop, loading up on some caffeine and checking my emails and blackboard work. I have been without Internet for the whole weekend as well as being in a slump with no sense of urgency to get out of. I am moving a little bit quicker this morning knowing the fact that my ex is probably in town already. We have talked very little and I’m not sure what the outcome is going to be after the 10th but I will be as civil as I can, for the kids sake obviously.

Today will be a busy day, after leaving the coffee shop I have to cook for Julia’s class party today. They are having a Mexican fiesta, so I’m cooking a casserole. Than I have to clean and prepare for Tim to get here this afternoon. Probably go out to eat or he will take the girls for a little while not sure. Nothing going on tomorrow, just working and doing research on my paper for my Developmental Psych.. class.. (fun)

Wednesday will be extremely busy and I’m looking forward to Thursday, it needs to get here quick. I have ordered some film for my Holga and can’t wait to get into the camera for my trip next week. Even though my class is moving so fast I need to get away from everyone and everything. I’m trying my best to give everyone their space, and learn to except what I cannot change no matter how bad I want them to. So with that said, this is probably why I’m in such a slump, go figure?????

My dad is doing so much better and hopefully he will be released from the hospital this week. I can’t wait to get on the road and just go. The drive will be long but I’m looking forward to it.. I will stop along the way and get some shooting in hopefully, if time permits. I would like t make it at least in to Nashville by the evening of the 17th… Nashville TN Waterfront

If I have enough money and time I plan on staying in Nashville on my way back for a couple of days. Who knows I will play it by ear. I will post more soon

God is Everywhere

I have been pretty busy these past couple of days and it seems that I have been going 9o miles an hour but not getting anywhere. I had my orientation for ECU yesterday and it went well. I’m really excited to get this started and get into a routine of some kind. I have been applying for jobs here and there and still nothing. The most recent one is in Beaufort and it looks promising so hopefully I will here back from them soon. We leave for Arkansas soon and the girls get out of school on the 10th. Which is Michelle’s birthday and her dad will be here for that. Shouldn’t be too bad we have talked since the last fall out and everything seems to be ok. My dad was put into the hospital last week and is still there. We all had a scare yesterday and I was a nervous wreck until that evening. God is everywhere, the more you realize this the more it helps. I have been praying everyday and night for things to work out and it seems to be working. Even though I feel alone I know that God will always be there for me. There are things that happen in life that you have so many questions about and you wonder why this happened. You can’t do anything about it, you have to move on and try to make the best of what you have. You only have on life to live, take chances. Although life is not perfect and you can’t make things happen they just do, it’s nice to know that you have the love of God on your side when everything seems to fall apart, always and forever. Rosary

I’m reading a new book and I can’t seem to put it down lately. There was a couple of quotes in it that I absolutley fell in love with here is one of them.

“Take a breath, love is scary and sometimes it’s transient. But it’s worth the risks and the nerves. It’s even worth the pain.”

3 Weeks and Counting…..

Well I have about 3 weeks until me and the girls leave for Arkansas. I have so much to do before we leave it seems so overwhelming. My psych class is in constant need of attention. I have two papers, plus DB questions and tests to accomplish. My girls get out of school on the 10th and my schedule up until than is packed full of to do lists. From class to parties to meeting with lawyers and preparing for Michelle’s birthday, this is just the tip of the iceberg. I will be so glad when we can get on the road and just get out of here. The drive will be long but I’m really looking forward to getting on the road and stopping here and there to take photographs. I need to figure some things and enjoy my family as well. I will be bringing my Holga and can’t wait to start shooting once I get there. Although we will be stopping along our 18 hour trip to shoot as well. Yes 18 hours… I have done it plenty of times and know the route like the back of my hand.

Mansfield is a small town that survives on the local Lumber Mill, and if it goes under Mansfield will become a ghost town. I grew up in this town and it has changed so much in the past 10 years. Some of the original buildings are still standing but most of them are gone. I can remember walking down this street to Don’s Drugs with my class while in elementary. We would all hold hands and walk to the store to get a scoop of ice cream during the summer. This was our so called field trips back then. I believe that Don is still in business but I’m not sure. I think I will take the girls to get some ice cream there if he is.The way this town looks early in the morning is great for shots with the Holga, I can’t wait. I’m going to stock up on film, and just take the Holga and my digital. That’s it, nothing more nothing less. This will keep me pretty busy in Arkansas and my trip back through Nashville.

I will probably update my blog the day or two before I head out and will post as much as I can afterward. I’m not sure how much internet I will be able to get while staying with family. We live in the backwoods so who knows. Here are some old photos of Mansfield from way back when.

Old Train Depot (Now Gone)

This was the old bank and it sat on the right hand corner as you came into downtown. It is now gone replace with a park…

More to come…

Holga Shots

I have finally developed the two rolls of color film that I have taken with my Holga. This camera may feel like a toy and even look like one but it is definitely not. I need to practice more with it to get the type of look that I want. Here are a few shots that I really like. Some were taken in Wilmington and some are from Bear Island.

Bear Island Ferry

Restraunt on Wilmington Water Front

Internet Cafe in Wilmington

Wine Sold Here Wilmington

Road Work Wilmington

Seaweed Bear Island